Learn to Be a Still Point in a Turning World

4 min readMar 18

Some Lessons on Stability and Change

By Dr T J Jordan

Being a still point means regulating our emotions.

As long as we regulate our own emotions, we aren’t helpless victims of the behaviors of others. We can be our own best supporters in our ever changing worlds — though this doesn’t mean that we’re not affected by what happens around us.

We can bend without breaking — but what does that really mean?

Being Rigid versus Flexible

We get laid low by life circumstances. We get sick; we lose loved ones; we suffer the ends of relationships and careers. And our moods change in conjunction with our experiences.

Good reality testing requires that we grieve and hurt— because our emotions will find their way out one way or another.

Good reality testing doesn’t mean that we should always pretend that everything is okay. Too much “okay” — aka toxic positivity — puts us at risk of repression and depression as well as the other consequences of un-acknowledged trauma.

If we don’t feel our emotions, we will be doomed to relive them because that is the legacy of trapped emotions.

Flexibility is another way to understand resilience. Our goal is not to become Spock from Star Trek, but rather to own the privilege of experiencing the full range of human emotions — without unnecessary fear.

Resisting emotions doesn’t work for us — that’s rigidity — but skillfully managing our emotions goes a long way toward supporting our mental health. If we rigidly attempt to control our emotions — rather than regulating them — we’re setting ourselves up for a dangerous, losing battle.