Create Your Own Relationship Anarchy

Dr T J Jordan
4 min readJul 1, 2023

Here are the instructions…

Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

By Dr T J Jordan

Relationship anarchy is a style of connecting with romantic partners that rejects the demands of traditional norms. It privileges the creation of “customized” agreements between partners.

It helps us to examine and redefine the ways we merge.

The practice of relationship anarchy often involves non-monogamy and polyamory — but it’s not limited to the non-monogamous and polyamorous among us.

It applies to whomever wishes to tailor a relationship according to their unique preferences for coupledom.

Relationship anarchy is a bespoke version of connection for those who want to co-construct intimacy without the constraints of other people’s rules and expectations.

Its principles can be applied to clarify the boundaries and the liberties for any of us who love.

Know the Principles of Anarchy

The instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy presents nine principles that matter to how we do our coupledom. Here are the principles/suggestions along with some brief explanations and interpretations:

— 1. Find your core relationship values

What are your personal expectations for a romantic relationship? Where are your boundaries? Learn your own landscape for intimate loving so that you are better prepared to share this adventure with another/others.

— 2. Choose love and respect over entitlement

Identify the demands that have been imposed by society/family/friends. Learn to privilege independence and self determination. Merge with integrity, not crisis. Engage with love that truly is mutual.

— 3. Customize your commitment

This is your opportunity to decide on the commitments you wish to embrace. Relationship anarchy is not about rejecting commitment – it's about designing the commitments we wish to make to each other.



Dr T J Jordan

Passionate about sexualities, masculinities, relationships, intimacy, mental health, CPTSD , animals, growth, psychology, and exotic locations.