Why Bother with Love?

Dr T J Jordan
4 min readNov 23, 2021

In spite of breakups, losses, and the many pains of intimacy, we continue bravely to try our best again and again to find lasting love.

(Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash)

By Dr T J Jordan

Love scars us deeply and expands us recklessly. More than anything else, love shows us the world of another in ways nothing else can. Love is travelling into the unique universe of our beloved. When we love, we become more than who we were before.

If we’re honest with ourselves, we realize that no matter how our love ended, or no matter the condition in which it continues, love makes us finally feel whole. In love, the world no longer seems such a lonely place. When we love one person deeply, we find it easier to love everyone.

Love creates anxiety and depression. But love also heals anxiety and depression. When we love deeply and intimately, we experience both the days and the nights of life, joys and sorrows, each made more poignant by the contrasting other.

Loving deeply is a self-transcending experience. It makes us one with eons of lovers across times and cultures. There’s a reason why love is considered a universal language: it unites all of us.

When we have fallen in love, we know intuitively what has happened to us, and we never forget the experience.

Does Love Make Us Happy?

In a nutshell, yes and no. In love we feel ecstasy as well as despair. We hand over the reins of our happiness to another person, and we tremble at the magnitude of this magnificent gesture through which we render ourselves somewhat helpless. It’s no wonder that to love greatly requires that we trust greatly.

Happiness is one of seven transcendental values. We reach happiness indirectly, through other experiences such as love. We feel happiness most readily when we feel trust, respect, and loved in return. We feel miserable to the point of despair when we feel love slipping away.

No matter our failed attempts at intimate love, we continue to seek it or to at least remain on the alert for it during most of our life. We risk other relationships, marriages, children, health, finances, and our self-perceptions in the gamble for love.



Dr T J Jordan

Passionate about sexualities, masculinities, relationships, intimacy, mental health, CPTSD , animals, growth, psychology, and exotic locations.