Threesomes, Foursomes and Moresomes

While group sex might seem contrary to your ideas about intimacy, read this and think again

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Dr T J Jordan

When you love someone very deeply, when your relationship feels complete and thrives on intimacy, trust and commitment, what do you hope for your partner?

I hope for my partner’s happiness, and for him to have a fully lived life including whatever he has wanted to do but has not yet experienced. If I can give him what he thinks he might want, I might be likely to contribute to his sense of a fully lived life. And that includes learning about and possibly living out his sexual fantasies. Together. With pleasure and warmth, without leaving him feeling ashamed or embarrassed about his curiosity or his unexplored sexuality.

Like with many other things, most of us live in cultures that frown upon group sex (ie anything other than two people engaging in what we call plain vanilla sex. Do we really even know what we mean by plain vanilla?!?!). If we frown so much on multiple partners at the same time, why is so much porn filled with groups of people in sexual activities?

There are cultures in which no big deal is made of what we call adultery, cultures where no such taboo exists. There are cultures that begin celebrations with naked dances performed in public by men to entice women to have sex with them. There are cultures in which sex precedes dating, so that couples can learn whether they’re sexually compatible before spending time getting to know someone who is not going to be a good match for them. UNFORTUNATELY, IT SEEMS THAT WE HAVE “PROGRESSED” BEYOND MANY OF OUR NATURAL INCLINATIONS. And we thereby artificially reduce the importance of sexuality in our intimate relationships. Is It any wonder that so many relationships fail?

The beautiful relationships in my life have been long lasting and usually simultaneous. In other words, I have spent decades being married, while having at least one other long, loving, committed but not monogamous relationship at the same time.

This is not how I had planned to live my life when I was very young, but for a variety of reasons, my life happened in its own way.