Sexual Intelligence for Those Who Love

Intimate, loving sex can take us into the most overwhelming, transcendent states of our lives, but having the sexual intelligence to get there isn’t always what we expect.

(Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash)

By Dr T J Jordan

You and your body, whether wisely or unwisely, have made the irrational leap of falling in love. It’s irrational because falling in love really isn’t an act of thoughtful judgment, careful planning, or even of sanity. Plus it’s addictive.

We can no more easily force ourselves to fall in love than we can make ourselves fall out of love. All genders and sexual orientations are susceptible.

Falling in love creates mental distraction, confusion, obsession, jealousy, possessiveness, anxiety, horniness, panic, insecurity, frustration, anger, pain, resentment, sleeplessness, and many other difficult experiences we would not wish upon ourselves. But it also creates ecstasy. Despite its pains, we seek love and we take the leap forward regardless. The saying goes: the heart wants what the heart wants.

Sexual intelligence is about breaking the rigid boundaries of our nonsense rules and learning how to flexibly explore new worlds of intimate closeness. It’s not “crystallized” intelligence but rather “fluid” intelligence.