Monogamy — the Meaning, the Madness, and the Monotony

Monogamy can be the biggest issue for those of us who continue mating in captivity…

Photo by Shreyashka Maharjan on Unsplash

By Dr T J Jordan

In a world where hookup sex and casual encounters have become our fast-food diet of lovelessness, we don’t know what to hold precious or how to protect it. We’re trying to figure out what defines the special, committed love between couples. But we’re struggling, we’re making mistakes, and we’re getting hurt.

More than anything else, monogamy is prized for the emotional safety it provides. For many who love, a partner who steps out of monogamy into infidelity is signaling immanent loss and abandonment. For many couples, this is the ultimate dealbreaker.

In our careless and often heartless world, we need to co-create safety in our loving. We need to know that there is a place where only we two will tread.

But what do we mean by monogamy? The madness sets in when we haven’t defined our reasonable boundaries — or we have refused to face our irrational expectations.

The Measure of Monogamy

Some say that we have tried monogamy and it has failed. But monogamy means different things in different relationship contexts.

Before we decide if monogamy is right for us or not, we need to consider what it means in each of our unique coupledoms.

Monogamy has been stretched as well as shrunk to fit our relationship needs and our cultural moments.

Once upon a time, the litmus test of p in v sex sufficed. But in a world where same sex relationships abound and varieties of lovemaking are privileged, we’re getting lost. And we sometimes struggle even with the meaning of digital connections that feed our emotional needs.