There’s sex and then there’s magnificent sex.
By Dr T J Jordan
Some sexual experiences and some orgasms seem to touch our souls. Regardless of gender, we cry, we glow, we let go of our worlds for a time. We experience bliss. Magnificent flow state sex might be the most important and most transcendent peak experience we ever enjoy. Once we experience it, nothing else seems even to count as sex. But we usually don’t make our debuts into flow state sex until we find intimate love.
Contrary to some of our thinking, the quality of our sex can improve with time. We are likely to have peak experiences during sex when we have long-term, passionate, monogamous relationships. We are more likely to have flow state sex when our relationships with our partners are grand passions.
We are more likely to have peak experiences of flow state sex when we have emotional intimacy with our lovemaking partners. With intimacy, we can enter lovemaking realms that take us far beyond the reciprocal release of physical tension.
Flow states during sex increase our sexual satisfaction with our partners. These transcendent experiences are what make us feel temporary “oneness” and enhance our bonds. These experiences are what create the altered states that have analogies in high-level athletics and other behaviors that enable us to “lose ourselves” (a.k.a. transcendence). Some sexual kinks, BDSM for example, are designed particularly to transport us into altered states of bliss.
Flow state sex alters our biochemistry. We change our cortisol levels, reduce our physical pain, and release stress when we have flow state sex. We get healthier and we live longer. We even age at a slower pace.
To be in flow, we move away from low energy states such as apathy and boredom and even away from relaxation. Clinical work in sex therapy shows us that great sex is relaxing afterwards — not beforehand, when we need to build a degree of tension. A goal of great foreplay is building sensual-emotional tension.
To be in flow, we move away from the worries and anxieties we carry as well as away from overthinking.