We mess up our sex lives by holding on to limiting beliefs that we have the power to change. By Dr T J Jordan We all have preferences. Irrational beliefs are not the same as preferences. Irrational beliefs are less-than-conscious judgments about sexual behavior that we accept as OBJECTIVE TRUTHS…

The masculinity script suppresses emotions needed for intimacy and fully lived lives. By Dr T J Jordan The cost of the masculinity script is high for all genders. The primary casualty is intimacy — an epidemic of unhappy relationships and emotionally impaired men. The empathy gap is a breakdown in…

Good psychotherapy is a learning experience, not just “talk.” By Dr T J Jordan When we enter into a therapeutic alliance with a professional therapist, we hope to find a guide who will accompany us on the journey into our interior. We hope to find a way forward, away from…

We have begun to overuse the toxic masculinity trope, but is there a parallel for women? By Dr T J Jordan Toxic masculinity seems to mean a dark triad of traits exhibited by males who have been victimized by social programming around being alpha. The dark triad usually includes: emotionless…

Map your exclusivities to counteract “betrayal blindness” and to minimize the betrayal trauma that comes from chronic emotional injury in relationships. By Dr T J Jordan We are familiar with the betrayal of monogamy that we call infidelity, but we don't sufficiently privilege the emotional impact of smaller, common betrayals…

To be connected as closely as possible, we need to reveal the good, the embarrassingly bad, and even what we insecurely believe is the ugly. But we fight hard against showing up as our genuine, imperfect selves. By Dr T J Jordan In every word we speak and in every…

We can use our personal histories to help as well as to hurt ourselves and our relationships. Here are some ways to think about the past. By Dr T J Jordan We are careless with how we use our memories. At times, we selectively dredge up bits and pieces of…

It’s not necessarily because he doesn’t feel love. By Dr T J Jordan We all need to hear the three words that, more than any others, give voice to our deepest connections. But some of us are reluctant to give this gift, especially if we are male. There are many…

To love in this way changes everything. By Dr T J Jordan "I want to die on this hill," means that we have found the thing that, finally, is more important than ourselves, the thing for which we would give all, the thing that drastically re-orders the priorities of our…